He’s a Dreamer

We are in a rest stop somewhere in Idaho, we spent the night here but haven’t gone anywhere yet because Cam is withdrawing. I could drive but I think he’s waiting for it be later in the afternoon so when we roll in to Salt Lake he can hit up his old dealer. Two days sober, because he had to be is better than nothing right? 

It makes me so sad because you should hear him talk about his hopes and dreams. It also scares me because if his hopes and dreams aren’t realistic then why try. He wants to build tiny houses, he wants to bring his daughter along with us, he wants to find a remodeling job like the one he use to have. He wants to get a smaller trailer for us, no he wants to get a fifth wheel, or a camper. Maybe a van. A bus is what he really wanted in the first place, let’s do that!  He wants to buy an enduro, or a 4wheel, he wants to remodel our trailer and get a king bed in here somehow. 

He loves to dream, and maybe heroin helps him with that. His dreams are not always big. I mean he wants to get back into rock climbing and 100% encourage him to do so and hope he does, he wants to join a gym, I really hope he does too. Get a mountain bike, that might be harder to do because we are dirt poor, but yes it can be done. 

I think he loves living in his head, and that’s scary. It’s great to have dreams and to dream big but if your dreams are not realistic then what? We barely have money for gas, we need other things first before enduros or tattoos. But at the same time I feel like if he has the ability to dream big, it means that he still has hope right?