I suck at blogging

I always say that I am gonna write everyday or every week or just write constantly but nope. I am always just too lazy or distracted to do it. I never get in the zone maybe I should try vlogging cuz then it’s just me talking… although then i would have to get ready and I don’t even do that.

I think I’m depressed. Life has been a whirlwind and I’m happy but at the same time I’m not. I don’t have any kind of motivation, for nothing. For pictures, for hiking, for writing, for exercising. I just don’t want to do anything. I know I have to do things so I do but I don’t want to.

We have a puppy now, and I love her, and I am so happy but I don’t even want to play with her. Like she’s adorable and I know I have to be there for her and love her and play with her but I don’t even have the energy for that.

I just want to eat junk food, and sweets and sleep and I just don’t even know.

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Six more weeks

I hate this place.

I mean I love the area, but the job sucks ass. And I have six more weeks to go before the season ends but i doubt i’ll make it, I am fantasizing about leaving any day now. Six more weeks and I will write a full review on why this place sucks.

I’ve been MIA

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, being back in the city is hectic. We have so much going on, but at the same time we feel like we have nothing to do. We are staying at my parents house while our trailer is at the rv place, so it’s kinda awkward but it’s better than having to pay a hotel or something, plus we don’t have that kind of money right now. I will try to write a legit blog post sometime soon. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am still here and I will try to make sure I keep some sort of schedule.. for sure at least once a week.

Everyone…

Who do I want my audience to be? Hmm… everyone? Except the people that know me? I mean I think most of my audience will be women. In an ideal world I will learn how to process my thoughts as I write them down and will be bale to actually have categories. Like when I blog about RV living vs when I rant about my bf, or if i make a general post updating about my life you know? That way I’ll have a different audience for each blog post in mind? Maybe that’s too much trouble. I just really lack the motivation.

I think this blog will be very personal. It’s easier to accept the praise/criticism of strangers than that of the people I consider close to me. Most the time I type thinking of a friend or two in mind, thinking how would I tell this story if I was texting this girl? Or if we where at coffee or something what would I say and stuff? And that’s how I write. Which is probably bad because it doesn’t always translate well on paper..

This was supposed to be Blogging University Day 4 I think, I don’t always have wifi so I will be making multiple posts when I do have wifi. I will post later on about Day 5.

Blogging University Day One

Today’s prompt is to post about myself, about my blog about why I’m here. Which I kinda already did, but I wanted help so I might as well do it again.

I have never been able to be honest with myself, even when i was in grade school/middle school and I kept a diary/journal.. I would lie to it, to myself. I would always think what if someone reads this, what if in the future they see this and they think less of me.. I would always enhance the truth a little or hide it. And someone was actually reading my journal, my mom. I hate that day, that’s a day I would like to ad lib about… Today I’m sure I sugar coat things a lot more than back then, because social media has made it so much easier to read things and to spy.. but despite that fear.. I really do want people to read what I have to say.

I have so many secrets. So many things that I have kept to myself because I know my parents wouldn’t approve or my friends wouldn’t understand, or because I know they are wrong. And I am afraid of judgement. In real life people describe me as sweet, cute, polite, well mannered, kind… but I don’t know if that’s really me or not. On the internet, I can write freely. No one has to know that it’s me. I have never posted my name, some pictures may be recognizable but I don’t know. I just feel safer on the internet.

I am dating a drug addict, when I met him he was clean, then he started using again then he got into an outpatient program and got clean for about 6 months. He had a car accident and since then, he hasn’t been sober for more than 3 days. That was in August of 2016, its practically may 2017.. that’s one whole year. And no one in real life knows.. I mean they might know some vague details. They might know he has an addiction but they don’t know how bad it actually is. They would drag me away. They would tell me how wrong it is, and I don’t want to hear it, because I know they are right, and no one wants to hear they are wrong.

We started living full time in a trailer on November 2016. Like I said I had already written vaguely about all this so if you want to read about that, you can read those posts. Once I learn to link them I will. Living in a trailer has been a hassle. We have all the luck, good and bad. We get into a lot of situations. It has also been amazing, and fun and I know that if we where to break up I would try to do all this on my own because I really do enjoy it. And I wish I could be a good writer and write blogs and vlogs about RV life, because it is amazing and I encourage everyone to do it.

A small part of me dreams of being a popular blogger, someone that people can relate to. I have so many stories, about my bf, about rv life, about being a woman, about being Mexican, about being an illegal, about finally getting a green card, the list goes on and on. The other part of me thinks I will get a couple of stories out, and then give up… I don’t know.  That’s what I want my blog to be about though. Me and life, with out any sugar.

Feeling sorry for myself

Edit: I need to start hitting the publish the button more often, old post that I didn’t notice I hadn’t posted.

 

via Daily Prompt: Blindly

I have believed in him, time after time. When i should have left, at the beginning when i was naive, when i pretended to know more about things than i actually did. When he started lying and stealing money from me, and my debit card. When he put himself first always, and still continues to do so. When he jeopardized everything we had, everything i had. I gave him my money, my credit, my love, and one year of my life. And i continue to do so. I should be done, i should be ready to walk away. I should be done.

I don’t understand why i so blindly cling to him, cling to something we could have but haven’t had ever. He is going to be 30 years old addicted to heroin, living on the streets.. do i really want the father of my kids to be a heroin addict?

This life is rejecting us

via Daily Prompt: Cranky

 

And in today’s story about our crazy reality TV like life only better because it is actual life, our other truck is at the mechanic. We where in our trailer minding our own business when the power went out, we didn’t know why at the time but we sat there for like an hour not knowing what to do. Anyway we got into a little argument and we finally decided to go on a drive.

We found out that the power was out because someone crashed into a power pole, and they didn’t know how long it was going to be out. So we drove up this road that we have literally driven on at least once or twice a month since being here, for some reason Cam really likes that road. The past few times that he has suggested going up there i have said no, lets go the beach instead but yesterday I was kinda upset with him so I was just like whatever do whatever you want.

He is driving like 30 mph, like seriously he is not going fast at all, when we hit the first pothole. Then we hit like 3 more and finally we land in a ditch. OMG now we are stuck.. and we don’t know if we are gong to get out… Cam thinks he can. That’s what the truck is for, it’s a lifted yota, its for offroading, he’s got this. He tries and tries, he ignores my comments, his pride is bruised… he is not listening to anyone. He gets the truck stuck even worse.

Some teens notice us and decide to help, thank goodness, because we are up this road in the middle of the rain forest with no cell service. They go back to where there is service and call for help. Meanwhile I get in the truck with Cam to add some weight to it and he starts popping the clutch and now the truck is at least rocking. We get it to move just a bit forward enough for us to move this giant rock and branches for it create some traction. He’s like get in the added weight helps, he thinks. We rock and rock and rock and finally we move! We are out! We high five, yes!

We turn the truck around and he gets out to pop out his 4×4, he gets back in and the truck dies. It wont start! Ugh! We highfived, we where home free, what the heck! The car wont start and we don’t know why because we don’t know anything about cars. The teens come back, yay! I am so happy to be part of the helpful millennial generation. They tried pushing it, pulling it, and nothing. Finally they tow us back to town.

It is raining, and haling and its cold and the rope keeps coming off and we have to keep stopping. They tow us to this place and they don’t look at cars, all they do is tires..? So then they have to tie everything back up and take us to the next mechanic. Ugh. These kids where amazing. We gave them $40 bucks, and I hope that was enough, because they seriously got us out of a bind.

Now the truck is at the mechanics and hopefully we get it back sometime soon. We have to walk to clean and we are sore but other than that nothing bad happened. We just hope the truck is okay, because if not that’s two trucks that this areas has taken from us. Needless to say, we are cranky.