Today’s prompt is to post about myself, about my blog about why I’m here. Which I kinda already did, but I wanted help so I might as well do it again.
I have never been able to be honest with myself, even when i was in grade school/middle school and I kept a diary/journal.. I would lie to it, to myself. I would always think what if someone reads this, what if in the future they see this and they think less of me.. I would always enhance the truth a little or hide it. And someone was actually reading my journal, my mom. I hate that day, that’s a day I would like to ad lib about… Today I’m sure I sugar coat things a lot more than back then, because social media has made it so much easier to read things and to spy.. but despite that fear.. I really do want people to read what I have to say.
I have so many secrets. So many things that I have kept to myself because I know my parents wouldn’t approve or my friends wouldn’t understand, or because I know they are wrong. And I am afraid of judgement. In real life people describe me as sweet, cute, polite, well mannered, kind… but I don’t know if that’s really me or not. On the internet, I can write freely. No one has to know that it’s me. I have never posted my name, some pictures may be recognizable but I don’t know. I just feel safer on the internet.
I am dating a drug addict, when I met him he was clean, then he started using again then he got into an outpatient program and got clean for about 6 months. He had a car accident and since then, he hasn’t been sober for more than 3 days. That was in August of 2016, its practically may 2017.. that’s one whole year. And no one in real life knows.. I mean they might know some vague details. They might know he has an addiction but they don’t know how bad it actually is. They would drag me away. They would tell me how wrong it is, and I don’t want to hear it, because I know they are right, and no one wants to hear they are wrong.
We started living full time in a trailer on November 2016. Like I said I had already written vaguely about all this so if you want to read about that, you can read those posts. Once I learn to link them I will. Living in a trailer has been a hassle. We have all the luck, good and bad. We get into a lot of situations. It has also been amazing, and fun and I know that if we where to break up I would try to do all this on my own because I really do enjoy it. And I wish I could be a good writer and write blogs and vlogs about RV life, because it is amazing and I encourage everyone to do it.
A small part of me dreams of being a popular blogger, someone that people can relate to. I have so many stories, about my bf, about rv life, about being a woman, about being Mexican, about being an illegal, about finally getting a green card, the list goes on and on. The other part of me thinks I will get a couple of stories out, and then give up… I don’t know. That’s what I want my blog to be about though. Me and life, with out any sugar.